Young Men: Sex, Lust and the Marriage Dilemma

According to modern Christianity, sexual intercourse before marriage is wrong.  Leaving aside the context of these Scriptures forbidding this, let’s assume that this is exactly the advice that Solomon, Jesus, Paul and James would offer in today’s modern time.  Young Christian men, therefore, face some problems:

  • The most Biblical thing to do is marry as soon as you begin to struggle with lust.  However, in some cases (depending on age), this may be discouraged.  This means that you have to wait while burning (males’ sexual desire peak is around 18-29).
  • Even if age doesn’t prevent you from marrying, you still have to win over the heart of a woman.  Herein lies the problem: many women will reject men who are struggling during their sexual peak (18-29) because they want to have fun.
  • The women, who’ve had fun, are more than likely not virgins.  You are trying to marry in order to honor God, as a virgin, but your bride isn’t.
  • Solomon and the author of Proverbs 31 pretty much advise against being with troublesome women.
  • This sets the stage into the hands of pornography, which most – if not all – young Christian men struggle with.  Churches, of course, condemn both – yet fail to consider the young man’s sexual desire peak.
  • The attitude, “You just have to get over it” is absolutely asinine.  Not only do Christian young men not get over it, they end up struggling with porn (according to statistics).  Herein lies the irony – this generation of men will have much more marital problems because of this in the future.
  • In all of these cases, churches and modern Christians haven’t addressed the issue – a strong male libido at that age.  Until modern medicine can eliminate this libido (will men even want women at that point), no one seems to have answers for young men other than marrying early, which is often castigated.

Many young men have told me that they abandoned Christianity for this very reason – they couldn’t live a life without sex or porn; especially in a world where sex and immodesty are everywhere.  Unless young men want to castrate themselves, this frustration will build.  But our churches will tear these men down if they have sex outside of marriage, so they face rejection after rejection from women who are having fun (and more than likely, not virgins), and often end up in porn.  What I noticed is that usually after a few years in this stage, young men left church – after all, even porn is a sin like promiscuity, so why not just sleep around?  And modern churches claim they can’t find young men and don’t know why!  REALLY?

In other words, we’ve set our Christian young men up to fail.  The failure is not promiscuity, which I’ll argue on this blog is actually okay, but pornography and frustration with God.  More than anything, I hope that some Christian young men have their salvation saved because they realize that they can serve Jesus Christ and hook up with multiple women, not reject Jesus because their church acts as if their libido doesn’t matter.

In other words, Christian young man, someone is on your side and knows your frustration.



  1. Hello i’m not from US, but i read this stuff so i’m going to comment anyway.

    I’m catholic and Catholic Church teaches that when man has a sexual intercourse outside of marriage it is a sin – a mortal one(can be forgiven, but if died unrepented – hell “almost guaranteed”) but that also means that it is not that “at all cost” you must marry a virgin. You can marry the one that is not a virgin as well. Beside when you say women want to have fun, why don’t they try to find Christian girls that don’t? In my country (Croatia) all of the girls also want to have fun, but Christian girls marry early. They are not too numerous, but they can be found at the church, or some other simillar meeting… i Souppose that it’s the same in the US (Is it?)

    To “hook up” or date more women seems right for me, but prefferablly christian ones. With them you will certanly sin less, and minimize sex. Besides even the old testament doesn’t punishes with death if young pair has a sex and than marries later. If you had real plans to marry, God will understand.

    And those guys that left church? What should Church do? Say it’s allright? Church must say what is true, and they should see what is God willing to tolerate for te time being… That’s how i think – Ecclesiastes 11,9

  2. The attitude, “You just have to get over it” is absolutely asinine. Not only do Christian young men not get over it, they end up struggling with porn (according to statistics).

    This. This. This x 1000.

    Multiple trips to the altar, multiplied prayers didn’t do it.

    Don’t just marry “anyone” either, when you do. I can sadly attest to 10 wasted years with a single mother I felt was my best choice, and my pastor saying I had to marry her or break up with her. I did it as much for the kids as I did for her. I loved them and was more concerned with their well-being than I was attracted to her.

    Disastrous, foolish and wrong. White Knightery in full bloom. Making lifelong vows it was impossible to keep.

    We’re still friends, but we simply burned out. We pushed it to the wall, thinking that God would fill in the gaps. Tempting God; not a bad idea, no matter how wholesome your intentions feel to you.

    Yeah, you need to know your Scripture. All of it. Most of the Church is willingly ignorant of the whole of God’s counsel, holding to the parts they prefer. Thousands of denominations.

    Jesus personified Himself as the Truth. Anything that is not true, no matter how pretty-sounding, is not of God. The Church is heading for the threshing-floor and will not enjoy the experience.

  3. Oops: “Tempting God: not a GOOD idea” I meant to say.

  4. So masterbaution is a sin now too?

  5. […] Vox crushes the male hamster. Related: The Christian Player has started a newish blog. He gets the problem, but his solution seems off. Will have to watch where this […]

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